1. Cultivate the love for reading
Cultivate the love for reading, if you want to know how to do something, dont just say, ‘but i dont know how’, and ‘i dont want to ask because fear of being labelled as ‘stupid’’.
Those who ask and initiate will benefit the rewards of wanting to know, compared to those who refuse to admit that they need to learn.
What you should say is ‘I dont know how, but do you think you can teach me a few things about this, or I’ll try to look for some reading materials to facilitate my learning process on this particular subject'.
For eg; you dont know how to cook and you just pray and hope that one day you wake up and suddenly you can cook. Life doesnt work that way. In the old days, there were no books of ‘how to’s’. But now, there are plenty.
2. Change the way you think - negative to positive
You are what you think. Most of us have negative thoughts about ourselves that we dont see the possibility of achieving something.
3. Learn goal-setting
Plan for what you want to achieve, how you want to get it, how long will you need, who are the people able to help you
4. Set a purpose in life
Purpose
what is the measurement of success? To me, its not by how many awards I achieved or by getting - a title
Success is by looking into the self, being self motivated, by accepting that learning is a lifelong experience.
Success is not about you, its about others, how you spread/extend your goodwill to others.
What is your principle in life? Learning as we go along. By preparing, equipping oneself before given any task is equally important and will bring effective results.
What is your purpose in life?
5. Break big task into smaller task
When you have a schedule, you can break the big task into smaller ones, its easier to monitor progress when you complete smaller task.
6. Do to - do list
Plan your day - do a list of things to do for the day.
Be realistic on the task that you can accomplish within the day, usually 10 is the average, if you can only complete only 7 in a day, dont panic and be hard on your self, carry forward the remaining 3 for the next day and add more things to do appropriately.
You will have a sense of control of your day.
7. Self-affirmation - pin up on the wall
Practice self-affirmation - its a form of positive talk to yourself. Write small notes of what you want to remind yourself of and stick them on the wall where you can see them easily.
8. Role -model
Find yourself a role model. It can be someone in your working place, or someone else who are successful in life, learn the way they think, what they do, what they read. If possible discuss with them about your plans and goals.
9. cultivate the right spirit to success
Learn from others what you can improve on the way you do things, learn from people of all walks of life. Dont be envious over other people’s success, but rather observe how the become successful and take heed.
10. Chart achievements
Keep a journal of your achievements, chart them out so you can look at it time and again whenever you feel demotivated. the journal of achievement will make you realise how much you have accomplished.
11. Learn to reward yourself for every achievement
Watch a movie, buy a new outfit, have an ice cream, have your favourite cake, INDULGE!
13. Monitor progress
Always keep in check of where you are and how far you are from your goal.
14. Self- reflecting
Constantly looking back at how you think, how you do things, how you feel about things and how you relate to other people, will help you to make improvements on how to be more motivated to achieve what you want in life.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
BROKEN-HEART MANAGEMENT
I wrote this article, emailed to the editor of a local newspaper. It was never published because the editor said that they already had something written for Valentine's that year.
Last night as I was cleaning up my laptop, I stumbled upon the 'broken heart management' file, and I thought to my self, why dont i just blog it and see what happens..
Here goes..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Editor, I would very much appreciate if you could publish my article entitled Broken-Heart Management just before 14th February 2004, or on 14th February 2004 itself. I believe this would be an interesting topic in celebrating 2004 Valentine’s Day. I’m not sure which category this will come under, perhaps in Lifestyle, or People or which ever you think it is appropriate for the benefit of all readers.
I thank you in advance,
_______________________________________________________________
6th february 2004
broken-heart management
Its the month of February again Gals! And you know what that means.
Its the month of expression of LOVE!
I have some important work to do today, but I was strucked by the urgency to share this delightful experience of mine to all the girls/women and to a certain extend, GUYS! out there, who are currently suffering from a broken heart. My work can wait, but this couldn’t posibly wait. I’m bursting with positive energy to share this with you.
Something happened to me recently that inspired me to get my flow of thoughts out.
I guess I’m fed up with endless write-ups in the magazines, books and news papers on How to Have a Happy Relationship, How to Have a Long Lasting Marriage, How to Win Your Partners Heart, How This and How That successfully, which doesnt really address to the issue of HEALING, the healing of the broken heart, that is.
If there is a book on how to handle a broken heart or a divorce or an ailing relationship, it would be from some foreign country, which is good, but really, we need to have more of this from our own resources, for our own people! So, People out there! The first step to manage a broken heart and healing is to share your thoughts with others!
Write a note, an article, a book, a poem or whatever, and spread it to the world. Ofcourse, the thoughts must be in a POSITIVE mode, or else it will inflict more pain to the readers. Even if you dont know how to write, LEARN! ask a friend to help you construct the sentenses form your basic ideas.
Actually, this write up is not only intended for those who suffer from a broken heart because of a ‘boy, girl, lovey-dovey relationship’. But also to those who have experienced broken hearts with family, siblings, friends, also those who are still in a relationship at the moment and feeling hurt and pain. So long as you have the ‘relationship’ with people, or human beings, this reading material will benefit you, if you DARE take the challenge and TAKE ACTION!
OK. since this is the month of expressing love, as in Valentines, ( I’m a Muslim, not supposed to believe in all these, but I believe the act of love and love itself comes from the Almighty Allah and to others who have a different faith, GOD. Yes, we must embrace the faith that we have a Creator, who is responsible of our being in this world )
Yes, again, the next step to healing, is to SPREAD LOVE to others, even when this is a very difficult thing to do, especially when you feel there is no love in you anymore to give. So, in sharing my experience with you, I’m spreading love, for my own healing.
My friends, believe me, I have come a long way in enduring PAIN. But I dont want to talk about that now. This is the time to focus on YOU, not me.
Now, the third step is, in order to experience this wonderful process of healing, try to keep an OPEN MIND, and OPEN HEART to the goodness of life that will come your way. The first goodness of life at this point of time is the presense of Knowledge on how to manage your broken heart. So my friends, read with an open HEART and MIND!
Be the master of Pain
This is what I have experienced, the things that I do to overcome my fear of being alone, fear of not being able to love again, not being able to be loved. To all the women out there, we must be strong and have that positive fighting spirit to keep our chins up and get on with our lives. I have come to learn all these by reading alot of books on various subjects, especially psychology. Also, from trial and error in personal experiences, exploration and self - mastery.
1. Acceptance
Somehow, we must learn to accept that the presense of PAIN, is actually TO MAKE you, and NOT TO break you. In the absense of PAIN, you will never find your inner strength. So my friends, be the master of PAIN!
2. Letting GO
Learn to let go of the hurt, people, events that has destroyed or damage your dignity, self respect and self worth. feel the hurt, the pain, and let it flow out from the core of your being. Say to yourself
“ I’m letting go the hurt, the pain, the event and........( name of the person who inflicted the hurt and the pain to you)”. Do this 3 times as you wake up in the morning ( because the face of the person, the hurt and the painful events will be the first thing that will appear in your mind or before your eyes, when you wake up in the morning! )
3 times before you go to sleep. Inhale and exhale deeply after each time you say the sentence.
Anytime during the day, when you are doing your work or whatever, when you feel ‘them’ coming to attack you, do it several times until you feel light and relieved.
3. Forgiving
This is a very difficult task. I always say “ I can forgive, but I will never forget’ well, actually, when you say you can’t forget in a NEGATIVE mode, you are not actually forgiving that particular person. Memories, good or bad, will stay in your minds forever, unless you are suffering from amnesia! Wish that you could wake up one morning and all the bad memories are gone forever?
Or if there is a pill you can pop in your mouth and the momories will dissapear instantly? I have thought of that countless times. But the truth to the matter is that, for as long as you live, until you really learn to forgive, and really forget in a POSITIVE mode, you will never be released from the HURT and the PAIN you are experiencing.
If you have an abusive or ignorant parents who just dont know how to reach out to you; understand, accept and forgive them, because they didnt get the chance to go for seminars and conferences or read books on ‘How to be good parents’ during their time. They make do with what they learned from their own parents. Life is a vicious cycle. If you have a very loving parent, chances are your grandparents were loving towards them, and you may pick up that loving vibes from your very own parents and build your own family in a very loving environment.
Learn to forgive yourself and the people who have hurt you.
Its OK to feel sad, but dont feel sad all the time until you cant do anything else. Set a time frame for “Crying”, “Feeling LOW” “Feeling sad” This is what I have come to master, when I feel really hurt, I will go on crying for a good half and hour, or an hour. Then after the tears are all gone, I brace my self, tell my self, “OK, thats enough for now, I feel better now, I am a strong person, I will focus on the important things that I need to do at this time, I am healed for now”. And move forward. I feel much stronger than before after a good cry.
Strangely, when you start thinking positive about yourself, you will find that you can go through the day with much ease, at the end of the day, you will find that its not that bad after all. Learn to rely on your own shoulder to cry on! You dont want to burden your sorrows on another person who have their own set of problems! Trust that you can learn to heal yourself!
This is the only way for progress to happen. If you wallow in self- pity, self inflicted pain, which is, not giving yourself the chance to HEAL properly, you will go into a depression mode, thats when you wont feel like eating or eating too much, dont want to meet people, hide yourself away from the world.
Every new day is a challenge. Greet a new day with positiveness and TRUST that everything will be OK. Rise up to the challenge, and you will be surprised at how far you can go. Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Getting dumped, disowned, separation or divorce is not the end of the world! Take it as a blessing from the Almighty.
Saying ‘I will never forget’ is OK, but accept that the damage has been done, and its time to heal, and move forward. When you are really in the journey of healing of your broken heart, then only you will look back on the past and be able to say, “ I’m learning to accept the fact that my hurtful past is making me a stronger person today”
Reflecting of the past is good if you want to revisit the mistakes you have done and try not to repeat it over again. But do not reflect because you want to use that as an anchor to keep you from moving forward. That is what I call being ‘selfishly stubborn’ for no apparent reason! We have the choice to HEAL ourselves, why deprive ourselves from our very own ability to HEAL?
Wish them all, the people who have hurt you, good health, good fortune and good life. Release your selfishness by being more giving. Because giving is healing. Have compassion for others, even though they have put you through PAIN, once upon a time.
4. Trust that you will be OK, despite of feeling very low
It is very important that you have to have faith in yourself! Believe that you have the power within you to turn your life around! Its OK, to feel low, but set a time frame. How long do you want to feel low in a day? One hour? Half the day? Learn to bounce back quickly. This is a very important tool, not ony to mend a broken heart, but also to spring back into action when some lousy thing happen to you in your daily routine and make you feeling depressed.
I used to take weeks to bounce back into action after a hurtful event. But now, the turnaround time is ever so quickly that I sometimes just discard the HURT and the PAIN in the trash bin on my way out from where ever the event takes place. And MOVE ON!
5. Self Discovery/ Learn Self Awareness
This is the perfect time for self-renewal, self actualization, self discovery. Look into yourself, identify your strengths and weaknesses, try to make positive improvements with yourself.
Learn about your own self. This will be a good time to really look into what you went through, what went wrong, how you can improve yourself to be a better person and get ready for the next relationship, or just get your life back again.
Look into your strengths and weaknesses. List them down. List what are the things you want and can improve with regards to your weaknesses. What is it about you that even you yourself dont like?
I used to think that I was a real monster. I was very temperamental, judgemental, stubborn and hard-headed , vengeful, amongst other negative things ! I was a difficult person to live with - before I went through self-discovery about a year ago. But I thank Allah for giving me that opportunity to discover myself again, and now, my family and friends who have known me before, are seeing the positive changes in me. Thats the most important and exciting thing about making self-improvements, people get to see POSITIVE RESULTS! And it prompts you to want to make more improvements. This is what we call, continuous improvement for personal growth.
If you dont know why your boyfriend, or girlfriend dumped you, have a courage to call them up and ask sincerely, what are the things that they dislike about you, and start making that radical change! Listen to them with an open heart and mind, do not get defensive. Put your EGO aside, swollow your pride for that moment. Be positive, tell them that you are over them ( even if you are not! ) and that you need the information for your own personal growth and development. You will not lose, there is plenty to gain.
People! We are the new generation! and this is the year of 2004! We are not in the 60’s, 70’s 80’s or 90’s, where people are very set with their beliefs about their own characteristics and bad habits! We need to learn from our own mistakes for positive progress.
Have you ever heard people saying , “ If you dont change your bad habits into good habits by the time you reach 40 years old, it will be difficult to change at all” ? ( Usually its the MALAYS who likes to coin this phrase. ) This is the new age of Change! So why wait until you are 40?
Whoever you are, in your teens, 20’s or 30’s or even 40s for that matter, start NOW! Dont just sulk and say, ‘thats the way I am, I’m stubborn and I’m selfish or I’m a bad person and theres nothing I can do to change that’. Thats is a whole lot of crap! Be the master of your soul! Give yourself a chance. Everyone deserve a second chance!
Ever wonder why some people get married, and get divorced, and get married again and get divorced again, again and again.. or get into and out of relationships ever so frequently? Or getting the same ol’ nag and negative remarks from parents and other extended family? Thats because they never learn from their own mistakes, and never want to make improvements about themselves. These are the people who love to put the blame on others. And the popular saying “ You havent changed a bit since the last time I met you ( 10, 15 years ago?!)” makes you wonder, is it good or bad to be hearing that?!
6. Self affirmation
Everyday, when I go for my morning jogs outdoor, or drive to work or waiting in line, I will do my ZIKIR rituals ( for muslims, praise Allah with Asmaul Husna , there are 99 specific names of Allah which you can recite based on your specific needs . ZIKIR is one of the extras besides performing prayer 5 times a day, fasting and doing good deeds.)
For people of other religion, recite what ever prayers that you learn form your own religion or forms of meditation.
This is a surprising inner strength builder. I feel more confident, more energy and more strength within me. I feel lighter in my heart and in my head, and I feel inner peace. Through my experince, Faith is very important in managing oneself.
I dont feel alone in this world, because I know and I feel that Allah is always there for me, to guide me, to help me in my time of need. All I need to do is ASK. Ask, and TRUST that in time HE will reward me with the good things in life.
The other affirmation that you can try is to say: ‘I am a special person, and A special Man will come into my life’, ‘I’m beautiful, intelligent, caring, funny, full of love and I am open to the goodness that life presents.” you can think of many positive affirmations, tailor made to your own, and start pound it in your head by saying it loudly! ( Well, dont scream or shout, but loud enough for your own hearing!) Say it at least 10 times in a session. You can repeat as many sessions you want in a day. You will feel more positive about yourself.
7. Beliefs
I thank you in advance,
_______________________________________________________________
6th february 2004
broken-heart management
Its the month of February again Gals! And you know what that means.
Its the month of expression of LOVE!
I have some important work to do today, but I was strucked by the urgency to share this delightful experience of mine to all the girls/women and to a certain extend, GUYS! out there, who are currently suffering from a broken heart. My work can wait, but this couldn’t posibly wait. I’m bursting with positive energy to share this with you.
Something happened to me recently that inspired me to get my flow of thoughts out.
I guess I’m fed up with endless write-ups in the magazines, books and news papers on How to Have a Happy Relationship, How to Have a Long Lasting Marriage, How to Win Your Partners Heart, How This and How That successfully, which doesnt really address to the issue of HEALING, the healing of the broken heart, that is.
If there is a book on how to handle a broken heart or a divorce or an ailing relationship, it would be from some foreign country, which is good, but really, we need to have more of this from our own resources, for our own people! So, People out there! The first step to manage a broken heart and healing is to share your thoughts with others!
Write a note, an article, a book, a poem or whatever, and spread it to the world. Ofcourse, the thoughts must be in a POSITIVE mode, or else it will inflict more pain to the readers. Even if you dont know how to write, LEARN! ask a friend to help you construct the sentenses form your basic ideas.
Actually, this write up is not only intended for those who suffer from a broken heart because of a ‘boy, girl, lovey-dovey relationship’. But also to those who have experienced broken hearts with family, siblings, friends, also those who are still in a relationship at the moment and feeling hurt and pain. So long as you have the ‘relationship’ with people, or human beings, this reading material will benefit you, if you DARE take the challenge and TAKE ACTION!
OK. since this is the month of expressing love, as in Valentines, ( I’m a Muslim, not supposed to believe in all these, but I believe the act of love and love itself comes from the Almighty Allah and to others who have a different faith, GOD. Yes, we must embrace the faith that we have a Creator, who is responsible of our being in this world )
Yes, again, the next step to healing, is to SPREAD LOVE to others, even when this is a very difficult thing to do, especially when you feel there is no love in you anymore to give. So, in sharing my experience with you, I’m spreading love, for my own healing.
My friends, believe me, I have come a long way in enduring PAIN. But I dont want to talk about that now. This is the time to focus on YOU, not me.
Now, the third step is, in order to experience this wonderful process of healing, try to keep an OPEN MIND, and OPEN HEART to the goodness of life that will come your way. The first goodness of life at this point of time is the presense of Knowledge on how to manage your broken heart. So my friends, read with an open HEART and MIND!
Be the master of Pain
This is what I have experienced, the things that I do to overcome my fear of being alone, fear of not being able to love again, not being able to be loved. To all the women out there, we must be strong and have that positive fighting spirit to keep our chins up and get on with our lives. I have come to learn all these by reading alot of books on various subjects, especially psychology. Also, from trial and error in personal experiences, exploration and self - mastery.
1. Acceptance
Somehow, we must learn to accept that the presense of PAIN, is actually TO MAKE you, and NOT TO break you. In the absense of PAIN, you will never find your inner strength. So my friends, be the master of PAIN!
2. Letting GO
Learn to let go of the hurt, people, events that has destroyed or damage your dignity, self respect and self worth. feel the hurt, the pain, and let it flow out from the core of your being. Say to yourself
“ I’m letting go the hurt, the pain, the event and........( name of the person who inflicted the hurt and the pain to you)”. Do this 3 times as you wake up in the morning ( because the face of the person, the hurt and the painful events will be the first thing that will appear in your mind or before your eyes, when you wake up in the morning! )
3 times before you go to sleep. Inhale and exhale deeply after each time you say the sentence.
Anytime during the day, when you are doing your work or whatever, when you feel ‘them’ coming to attack you, do it several times until you feel light and relieved.
3. Forgiving
This is a very difficult task. I always say “ I can forgive, but I will never forget’ well, actually, when you say you can’t forget in a NEGATIVE mode, you are not actually forgiving that particular person. Memories, good or bad, will stay in your minds forever, unless you are suffering from amnesia! Wish that you could wake up one morning and all the bad memories are gone forever?
Or if there is a pill you can pop in your mouth and the momories will dissapear instantly? I have thought of that countless times. But the truth to the matter is that, for as long as you live, until you really learn to forgive, and really forget in a POSITIVE mode, you will never be released from the HURT and the PAIN you are experiencing.
If you have an abusive or ignorant parents who just dont know how to reach out to you; understand, accept and forgive them, because they didnt get the chance to go for seminars and conferences or read books on ‘How to be good parents’ during their time. They make do with what they learned from their own parents. Life is a vicious cycle. If you have a very loving parent, chances are your grandparents were loving towards them, and you may pick up that loving vibes from your very own parents and build your own family in a very loving environment.
Learn to forgive yourself and the people who have hurt you.
Its OK to feel sad, but dont feel sad all the time until you cant do anything else. Set a time frame for “Crying”, “Feeling LOW” “Feeling sad” This is what I have come to master, when I feel really hurt, I will go on crying for a good half and hour, or an hour. Then after the tears are all gone, I brace my self, tell my self, “OK, thats enough for now, I feel better now, I am a strong person, I will focus on the important things that I need to do at this time, I am healed for now”. And move forward. I feel much stronger than before after a good cry.
Strangely, when you start thinking positive about yourself, you will find that you can go through the day with much ease, at the end of the day, you will find that its not that bad after all. Learn to rely on your own shoulder to cry on! You dont want to burden your sorrows on another person who have their own set of problems! Trust that you can learn to heal yourself!
This is the only way for progress to happen. If you wallow in self- pity, self inflicted pain, which is, not giving yourself the chance to HEAL properly, you will go into a depression mode, thats when you wont feel like eating or eating too much, dont want to meet people, hide yourself away from the world.
Every new day is a challenge. Greet a new day with positiveness and TRUST that everything will be OK. Rise up to the challenge, and you will be surprised at how far you can go. Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Getting dumped, disowned, separation or divorce is not the end of the world! Take it as a blessing from the Almighty.
Saying ‘I will never forget’ is OK, but accept that the damage has been done, and its time to heal, and move forward. When you are really in the journey of healing of your broken heart, then only you will look back on the past and be able to say, “ I’m learning to accept the fact that my hurtful past is making me a stronger person today”
Reflecting of the past is good if you want to revisit the mistakes you have done and try not to repeat it over again. But do not reflect because you want to use that as an anchor to keep you from moving forward. That is what I call being ‘selfishly stubborn’ for no apparent reason! We have the choice to HEAL ourselves, why deprive ourselves from our very own ability to HEAL?
Wish them all, the people who have hurt you, good health, good fortune and good life. Release your selfishness by being more giving. Because giving is healing. Have compassion for others, even though they have put you through PAIN, once upon a time.
4. Trust that you will be OK, despite of feeling very low
It is very important that you have to have faith in yourself! Believe that you have the power within you to turn your life around! Its OK, to feel low, but set a time frame. How long do you want to feel low in a day? One hour? Half the day? Learn to bounce back quickly. This is a very important tool, not ony to mend a broken heart, but also to spring back into action when some lousy thing happen to you in your daily routine and make you feeling depressed.
I used to take weeks to bounce back into action after a hurtful event. But now, the turnaround time is ever so quickly that I sometimes just discard the HURT and the PAIN in the trash bin on my way out from where ever the event takes place. And MOVE ON!
5. Self Discovery/ Learn Self Awareness
This is the perfect time for self-renewal, self actualization, self discovery. Look into yourself, identify your strengths and weaknesses, try to make positive improvements with yourself.
Learn about your own self. This will be a good time to really look into what you went through, what went wrong, how you can improve yourself to be a better person and get ready for the next relationship, or just get your life back again.
Look into your strengths and weaknesses. List them down. List what are the things you want and can improve with regards to your weaknesses. What is it about you that even you yourself dont like?
I used to think that I was a real monster. I was very temperamental, judgemental, stubborn and hard-headed , vengeful, amongst other negative things ! I was a difficult person to live with - before I went through self-discovery about a year ago. But I thank Allah for giving me that opportunity to discover myself again, and now, my family and friends who have known me before, are seeing the positive changes in me. Thats the most important and exciting thing about making self-improvements, people get to see POSITIVE RESULTS! And it prompts you to want to make more improvements. This is what we call, continuous improvement for personal growth.
If you dont know why your boyfriend, or girlfriend dumped you, have a courage to call them up and ask sincerely, what are the things that they dislike about you, and start making that radical change! Listen to them with an open heart and mind, do not get defensive. Put your EGO aside, swollow your pride for that moment. Be positive, tell them that you are over them ( even if you are not! ) and that you need the information for your own personal growth and development. You will not lose, there is plenty to gain.
People! We are the new generation! and this is the year of 2004! We are not in the 60’s, 70’s 80’s or 90’s, where people are very set with their beliefs about their own characteristics and bad habits! We need to learn from our own mistakes for positive progress.
Have you ever heard people saying , “ If you dont change your bad habits into good habits by the time you reach 40 years old, it will be difficult to change at all” ? ( Usually its the MALAYS who likes to coin this phrase. ) This is the new age of Change! So why wait until you are 40?
Whoever you are, in your teens, 20’s or 30’s or even 40s for that matter, start NOW! Dont just sulk and say, ‘thats the way I am, I’m stubborn and I’m selfish or I’m a bad person and theres nothing I can do to change that’. Thats is a whole lot of crap! Be the master of your soul! Give yourself a chance. Everyone deserve a second chance!
Ever wonder why some people get married, and get divorced, and get married again and get divorced again, again and again.. or get into and out of relationships ever so frequently? Or getting the same ol’ nag and negative remarks from parents and other extended family? Thats because they never learn from their own mistakes, and never want to make improvements about themselves. These are the people who love to put the blame on others. And the popular saying “ You havent changed a bit since the last time I met you ( 10, 15 years ago?!)” makes you wonder, is it good or bad to be hearing that?!
6. Self affirmation
Everyday, when I go for my morning jogs outdoor, or drive to work or waiting in line, I will do my ZIKIR rituals ( for muslims, praise Allah with Asmaul Husna , there are 99 specific names of Allah which you can recite based on your specific needs . ZIKIR is one of the extras besides performing prayer 5 times a day, fasting and doing good deeds.)
For people of other religion, recite what ever prayers that you learn form your own religion or forms of meditation.
This is a surprising inner strength builder. I feel more confident, more energy and more strength within me. I feel lighter in my heart and in my head, and I feel inner peace. Through my experince, Faith is very important in managing oneself.
I dont feel alone in this world, because I know and I feel that Allah is always there for me, to guide me, to help me in my time of need. All I need to do is ASK. Ask, and TRUST that in time HE will reward me with the good things in life.
The other affirmation that you can try is to say: ‘I am a special person, and A special Man will come into my life’, ‘I’m beautiful, intelligent, caring, funny, full of love and I am open to the goodness that life presents.” you can think of many positive affirmations, tailor made to your own, and start pound it in your head by saying it loudly! ( Well, dont scream or shout, but loud enough for your own hearing!) Say it at least 10 times in a session. You can repeat as many sessions you want in a day. You will feel more positive about yourself.
7. Beliefs
Beliefs and faith that there is GOD, the creator of the universe is important, in achieveing a peaceful mind, balance in life. Without beliefs and prayers, you will feel lost in your own world, you will spiral down, loss of self worth and sometimes suicidal. Even if people with beliefs and faith in their own respective religion, there are times when you will feel that you wish you can sleep and never wake up, you wish that you can dissapear from the face of earth, you want to run away in a place where no one will find you and you want the earth to swollow you up! Does these sentences rings a bell, anyone? Well, its time to revisit your purpose in life and look hard into the mirror, and ask yourself, What are my beliefs?
8. Excercise
Focus on yourself, take care, do some transformation on yourself, get yourself activated in energy generating activities, like EXERCISE! you’ll be surprised on how good you will feel after a workout, the brain releases endorphins, the feel good hormones, equals to feeling good when you are in love! You see, who needs a MAN, now, when you can learn to enjoy your own company and get the boundless supply of endorphins?!
Besides, exercise is a great activity which promotes not only physical fitness, but also mental fitness. When you include exercise in your broken heart management program, you will experience clarity in thinking, generate new ideas, feeling energised, looking younger, boost your self-confidence, flexibility, stronger hearts, ( we are healing hearts here, arent we?! ), feeling sexier when you know you have a healthy and fitter body.
Personally, I love to exercise because it makes me a stronger and a whole person. I feel exteremely wonderful and I can take on the day with confidence and feeling positive about myself.
9. Hobbies
Get a hobby friends! If you dont have one, think of one! I love gardening and cooking and baking. These two are the most therapeutic activities which never fail to make me feel proud of myself! I especially love cactus, because somehow it resembles me, I have a strong self defence mechanism to help me deal with PAIN! I have a wide variety of cactus collection at home and it gives me great pleasure to just admire the beauty of each and every one of them.
10. Make new friends
Get out there and start making new friends! Start living again! Quit moping around and sulking in your bedroom and wishing Prince Charming will come to rescue you!
11.Contribution
Helping People / Contribution
Learn to give without expecting anything in return.
Reaching out to others is the hallmark of a successful healing. My motto in life is, “ In helping others to heal, I help myself to heal. In advising others to do good, I advise myself to do good.”
Helping doesn’t only mean giving money. Be generous with your time and energy to assist others in need for a good cause. You will be surprised to the rewards later in life. Understand the concept of “Helping Others”, the rewards are not by getting an expected immediate return from the person you are helping at that moment of time, but believe that the rewards will come back to you in other forms to assist you in managing your life in the future. ( back to Faith in God)
12.Listen to ‘heart making’ songs, not ‘heart breaking’ ones
Meaning, listen to cheeful, positive, upbeat songs. Dont entertain your sorrows by listening to sad songs. My personal preference: When you believe ( Theme for the Prince of Egypt Mariah carey & Whitney Houston, Cant Take That Away ( Mariah’s Theme, HERO) from Mariah Carey Greatest Hits. Look into Yourself - Anggun -Chrysalis , Heal, Thank You, Hey Whatever - Westlife - Turnaround ( for now)
Also, watch happy movies, comedies or ‘inner strength building’ movies, that you can learn from. The problem with us Malaysians is that we like to watch love story movies, and then cry because we are alone, because we dont have our own ‘love story’ to tell, which has a happy ending. Personally, I love watching Legally Blonde 1 and 2, it gives me motivation to be the person I want to be. Get the VCD, I’m sure you will be rejuvenated!
13. Spiritual strengths
Healing takes 3 place in your being. The mind, the body and the soul. Feed your soul with spirituality.This brings us back to having faith and beliefs. Also, develop stronger emotions by believe in self.
14. Cultivate positivity
Change your mindset by start THINKING POSITIVE! Do positive things! Feel the positive energy flowing from head to toe! Be in the positive! Spread positivity to others!
15. Stay away from negative people
Being around negative people will only make it difficult to recouperate. Negative people will say things like “ I told you so”, “ If you listen to what I said you will not be in this problem in the first place ” “ You will never find love again because you’re this and that ” Negative people love to see you spiral down in your own misery, because they want to feel superior and think that they are in control of their own lives.
The truth to the matter is, these people are NOT in control of their own lives and they live in FEAR, thats why they love to pick on others who are weak. They dont know how to lead you to a ‘better place’, because they never been to that ‘better place’ themselves and they are too proud to learn how.
Meaning, they havent reached that ultimate serenity of having a ‘peaceful state of mind’.
Be around positive people instead, and feel the power of ENCOURAGEMENT from their positive energy. They will make you want to get up on your feet again and take charge of your life!
16.Get up, get out and do something! Be in action!
Do what you like! Go retail teraphy, movies, a walk in the park, call an old friend ( but dont dwell in your sorrows with them, learn to have a positive conversation, its OK to tell what you are going through, but reaffirm to them that you will be OK, dont make the worry! ) Go for a holiday or do something that will make you feel good at the end of the day.
17. Never say Never
Dont say you will NEVER fall in love again. Or NEVER be a cheerful person ! NEVER be loved by your mother or your father. That is your negative chatterbox in your own mind telling you all that. Turn around that chatterbox in your mind and tune it to say all the good things. Start your sentance in your mind with positive sentence like ‘ I will Be... I will Do.. I will Have..’
Also, when someone ask ‘ How are you today?’, Answer by using superlatives like “ I feel great!”, “ I feel excellent!”, “ I feel excited!” you will start feeling better when you answer in a POSITIVE mode.
If you say “ not bad..”, “ not good..” , you are giving a negative energy towards that person, and they will feel bad, themselves, and that is not a good thing.
18. Lear to say NO, be assertive
Dont get into another relationship in the instance you’re faced with one! Learn to say NO, and take time to do some background research about this new person who suddenly appear in your life. You dont want to get into another ralationship on a rebound. Dont be disillusioned, dont be fooled! You will suffer again, and it will do more harm to your self-esteem, self worth and self confidence in the long run. Give yourself that personal space and time to grow, before making another commitment.
19. Pamper and reward yourself!
This is about YOU and you alone! Pamper yourself by giving small rewards to yourself on every achievenment in healing your broken heart, however small it is. It doesnt have to be expensive. It can be as cheap and fun as a scoop of an ice- cream, or a packet of M& M’s. But dont reward yourself on chocolate everytime, you dont want to get fatter and that will slow down your healing process!
Personally, I love to reward myself with a new book to read, or watch a good movie everytime there is a significant achievement, with personal growth, or career development.
20. Delay gratification
There is beauty in PATIENCE. Learn to be patient to receive the good things in life. Don’t think that you are doomed and will never experience the good things in life again, just because you are experiencing a broken heart.
21. Do some Reflective Thinking
Find peaceful time alone, reflect upon what are the positive things that you want to instill in yourself. Be a new Brand of yourself! Stand out from the the crowd! Focus your energy on what you want to achieve, do some goal setting for this new year, its not too late yet!
22. Smile! & Thank You
This is a very strong healing method. Smile to people whom you come across. Be generous with it, you will make the receiver smile back and that will make you feel good instantly! Also, say thank you more often to strangers who have served you, the waiter, the person behind the counter, the person who opened the door for you. Include this in your daily routines, and you will experience an uplifting feeling, because, when you express gratitude, you are expressing love to the people around you.In turn, you will receive love from them.
23.Gratitude
Be thankful to each and everyone that comes into your path, be it for good, or for bad. Understand that you are not the person you are today if it werent for the interactions with these people. Understand that, unconciously, you are actually learning from them. They have contributed to you, in every aspect of your life. Yes, understand from now on that we are constantly learning, each and every day in our lives, and until you are aware of what you have learned, there will never be progress.
Whenever I wake up in a morning and thank Allah for a brand new day, I will always ask my self; Who am I going to meet today? and what can I learn from this person?
You will notice that this experience is actually enriching your life, without you even realising it.
24. Feel the Fear
Feel the FEAR and do it anyway! Just do it, what ever that you need to do from number 1 to number 23, and release that potential POWER within you!
I would like to share this with you from the book Until Today!, Daily devotions for spiritual growth and peace of mind by Iyanla Vanzant, 2000, Simon and Schuster, New York.
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February 6
I WILL KNOW LOVE WHEN I REALIZE... THE ONLY WAY I CAN CHALLENGE FEAR IS TO DO THE VERY THING I AM AFRAID TO DO IN THE MOMENT THAT I FEEL AFRAID.
Here is a recipe for living and loving that will yield satisfaction and success:
I Mind full of positive vision
1 Moment of openness
1 Second of willingness
2 Drops of readiness
1 Dash of love
Mix the above ingredients with trust and faith. Roll the mixture into a ball of clear intention. Knead the ball into a thin layer of belief. Smooth out any lumps and cover all holes with prayer. Gently place the layer of expected intent in a dish of great expectation. Preheat your mind with warm loving thoughts about yourself. Allow the layer of belief to rise in words of praise and thanksgiving. Patiently wait for the intention and expectation to be divinely fulfilled.
Until Today, you may have experienced many failed or fallen dreams. Just for today, try a new recipe for loving yourself into a new vision for yourself and for your life. Be devoted to focusing your energy and love on just one thing.
TODAY I AM DEVOTED TO USING ALL THE RIGHT INGREDIENTS FOR A LIFE FULL OF LOVE!
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The BIG Dont’s
House Rules:
Don’t get into the wrong company
Don’t waste your money on the negative things/ self destructive
( Drink, smoke, drugs)
I believe there is a rainbow at the end of the dark tunnel; betterstill, why don’t i light my own pathway in the dark tunnel? In a relationship, we can promise ourselves that we will be true to each other and never leave, but in reality, there are endless possibilities of things that can happen, good and bad.
But that doesnt mean that you have to decide not to have relationships at all. Understand that nothing is permanent in life. Accept that and you will live a more meaningful life, because if you go with the FLOW of LIFE in a positive way, you will be a much happier person.
You need to know and realize what is positive/good and negative/bad for you and learn to be more on the positive mode.
You need to know where you are heading. You need to have a life plan. Create that path that you want to walk on to reach your desired destination. Focus on yourself . Learn self- awareness, and learn from people through observation, interaction, communication.
Cultivate the love for reading and invest in self -development books. There are plenty of these sort in the bookstores. Invest in yourself, do yourself this favour. It may sound difficult and perhaps unimportant to you now, but believe me, you will benefit from all these in the long run. Be the master of your soul, do not let others bring you down because of their own FEAR of not knowing what is going to happen to them in their own future.
Life is about taking risks. If you have an ambition, a desire to become someone of substance, if you want to be an example for others to follow, then learn how to be a Leader. Do not be afraid of CHANGE.
You will be ahead of others if you are willing to take the road less traveled. People will begin to see your strengths and will admire and will make you as their role model.
I’m sharing this with you, through my very own experience. I will not suggest you if I hadn’t done them myself. You see, I want to be a change catalyst. I see that transformation in myself happening before my eyes day by day, I became stronger everyday. I became the person that I want to be, incharge, know what I want and how to get things done. No one can stop me from doing the good things in life, from receiving the good things in life.
I am the master of my soul, and I am the master of pain. I will bounce back in no time, with God's Will.
I want to thank you all for reading, and I hope this will be a turning point for you, in having the courage to take action in your life, and start the healing process from now! And remember, learning is a continuous process in life. When you stop learning, you stop growing. Personal growth and development is very important in having a balanced, meaningful and purposeful life! When you are strong emotionally, you will be able to deal with broken hearts more effectively.
You will know you are healed when you are able to TRUST and to LOVE again. When people feel your POSITIVE vibes and feel good being around you. When people start t o notice the radiance, the inner glow you spread to others, effortlessly.
TRUST that YOU will get back on your feet again, and move on with your life in a POSITIVE mode .
To all of you who are experiencing broken hearts, I wish you all a very Happy Valentines, dont be sad because there will be no dinner invitations or lovely Valentine gifts for you this year! You can enjoy Valentines day, by yourself! Learn to love yourself and enjoy your own company!
I welcome feedbacks from readers, perhaps I can learn a few things from you! Also, to those who wants to learn more about the art of
Self-Mastery and build your personal Brand, please do contact me.
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